Monday, June 18, 2012

I'm exhausted!  Every day I give the same pep talks to my brother and every other day he threatens suicide.  His doctor didn't respond to it so I guess I'm not supposed to respond either.  I'm as sure as I can be with what I know that he isn't going to do it.  But it is exhausting all the same.  He's so tired of not being able to turn his brain off and I'm so sad for him.

His psychiatrist has been working to get him off some of the really potent anti-psychotic drugs he has been on.  Mike wants to get off because they have such awful side effects.  His hands now tremble all the time and I doubt that will go away.  But Mike thinks that without the Thorazine he won't be able to sleep.  So he psychs himself out and the first night he didn't sleep.  Of course he goes to bed at 7pm and I can't imagine how he sleeps anyway.  

I'm just tired.  Living with his mental illness is exhausting and I'm not sure which of us will be done in by it first.  The sad thing is there are just no options for him.  He has to be raving crazy to be committed to a psychiatric facility and nursing homes don't want him.  So........tag, I'm it!

Don't get me wrong, I love my brother and my heart aches every day for what he goes through.  I'm just running out of ideas on how to cope.  99% of the time I'm just as patient as Jobe with him but that doesn't seem to be working.  Last night I just tried tough love.  I just don't know if he has the ability to control his behavior.


Judy (kenju) said...

I really feel for you. We all have our tribulations, but this one seems very unfair to you, especially in the wake of all the other stuff you have to deal with. I hope that some solution can be found soon.

Patrick said...

I am in awe of all you do!

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick