Monday, June 27, 2011

Sometimes we find ourselves when we aren't even looking!

Today I am feeling reflective about my life. I was only 27 years old when my husband announced one night that he was afraid life was passing him by and myself and our 2 children were to blame. So away he went with his 21 year old girlfriend. I couldn't believe I was being replaced by a younger woman at the age of 27 but it was true. 

So....there I was, 27 years old, with no college education (I quit school to help my husband finish and he left 1 week before receiving his graduate degree) I had 5 year old twin daughters and no job. Now that was a pickle! At first I grieved, then I got angry, then I sucked up what little self-esteem I had left and enrolled in school. I took an exec. secretarial course because I needed to brush up my skills and I needed to get a job as quickly as possible. About 5 months into the course the school hired me to be their deaf education secretary. I worked there for 6 years and then decided to go back to college.

We had very little money and I often worked 2 jobs but we made it.  As in most everything in life, timing is key. The girls were old enough by then to be a huge help.  They were great tutors and learned astronomy right along with me.  They flourished with the added responsibility and it was during this time that they learned to cook and sew.  They basically ran our household and I am still proud just remembering how they stepped up to help me while I pursued school.

Dating was just about out of the question though. Who in the world had time? Between work, school and spending time with the girls there just were not enough hours in the day. I decided early on that I would just put my personal life on hold until after my girls were grown and on their own. It isn't the right decision for every single mom but it was the right one for me. I don't think I could have combined motherhood and a new husband let alone a blended family. (I greatly admire those who manage to do just that)  Sometimes I felt guilty that my children didn't have a father (he was never involved in their lives after he left) and I sometimes wondered if we were a real family. But now I know that kids can make it just fine as long as they have at least one stable, dependable parent. They just need to feel secure and even a single parent can provide that security. What was the most difficult time in my life turned out to be the greatest opportunity for personal growth. I found out just exactly who I am and what I'm capable of doing. I will never be afraid of losing myself again. 

Then the timing was right to fall in love again.  It was unexpected but oh so welcomed.  I am married to my best friend and now that I'm about to be 62 years old, I can say I have it ALL and I wouldn't change a thing.


marciamayo said...

Every woman needs to read this. What a story of survival and optimism.

Janie B said...

What an amazing story. Good for you for persevering and creating the life you deserve.

Arkansas Patti said...

You and your daughters learned to grow through adversity, not be beaten by it. You are a strong three some and you have every right to be proud. That first fellow did you all a favor and now you have Ron in your life. I love happy endings.

Olga said...

Three cheers for the three of you...and, then, another for Ron. And a happy birthday when it comes along.