Thursday, October 7, 2010

Good Vibrations

Tomorrow morning I'm going with Ron to get the results of his CT scan.  I've been crazy with worry for the past few weeks but for some reason I'm feeling a little calmer about it now that it's time.  Ron is showing no signs of stress about it but when I asked him if he wanted me to come to the appointment he said yes.  That tells me that he is worried but doesn't want to appear like he isn't strong enough to handle it.  Six months ago he went to the appointment without me and everything went OK.  I still keep thinking about the 2 cm "nodule" they saw but decided was scar tissue.  But, no sense in borrowing trouble until you know you what it is.

Last night I went to bed thinking about my mother.  It has been 18 months since she passed away and although I don't think about it constantly like I did in the beginning I can still find myself going back to that feeling of helplessness in an instant.  I see her in my mind just as she was that last week so helpless and vulnerable.  I try to get that image out of my mind and just remember her healthy and smiling.  Last night I made myself think back to when I was a little girl and I pictured my mother playing dolls with me under the big round oak coffee table in the living room.  I pictured her dancing with my father in the living room on Sunday afternoons.  I have so many wonderful memories and slowly they will push out the painful ones of seeing her so ill at the end.  Her life was so much more than just those last few weeks!


Anonymous said...

Your/Ron's outcome is of deep concern among your blog friends
who send warm good wishes
and the words, "You are not alone".

oklhdan said...

Thanks Helen, all the good wishes and positive thoughts are so welcomed!

marciamayo said...

Amen to that. I've been afraid to ask.