The Farckle Family

Oh how I miss my old neighborhood!  It was never dull!  We had some colorful people on our block back in the day.  My next door neighbors were some of the most interesting and fun people I've ever known.  Now their name wasn't Farckle but that's pretty close.  Now PaPa Farckle was as tight as a tick on a boar hog.  He could squeeze molten copper from a penny with his bare hands.  He came by his frugal ways honestly as Grandpa Farckle was just as tight as his son.  PaPa and MaMa Farckle had 4 children and they were a rowdy but sweet bunch of kids.  Since PaPa was in the National Guard he had access to army rations, those mysterious cans of mystery meat, mystery desserts and mystery everything.  They were especially mysterious because none of them had labels identifying their contents.  PaPa Farckle was so cheap he fed this stuff to his family whenever he could get his hands on the army cast offs.  When sea rations were on the menu the kids would get so excited that no one was late for supper.  I guess they loved the not knowing what they were going to get.  Everyone picked their cans and then one by one they would uncover the hidden treasure.

Now PaPa Farckle and Grandpa Farckle were a couple of meisers to be reckoned with and they ran a very tight patriarchal society.  Grandma Farckle really didn't have much of a voice in her family and neither did MaMa Farckle though she managed better than Grandma.  Well, as in the natural cycle of life, Grandma and Grandpa got older and unfortunately Grandma became ill and passed away.  Poor Granpa in the throws of grief put Grandma's ashes in the closet and took a trip to see his cousin.  When he returned he had married the non English speaking housekeeper of his cousin.  (Nothing soothes a grief stricken heart more than a new spouse)  Anyway, the new wife moved into Grandpa's home and one day while cleaning her new house she came across the brown paper wrapped box in the closet.  Without identifying the contents she just threw it out and that's how Grandma Farckle's ashes ended up in a Hefty trash bag at the local dump. 

 
As soon as the deed was discovered the entire extended Farckle family went straight to the dump to search for Grandma's ashes.  Unfortunately, they were never discovered but being a creative bunch of people they simply held Grandma's memorial service at the town dump site with one of her grandsons providing music on his guitar.   Now, although this story (as told to me by my neighbor and Grandma Farckle's own son) didn't really surprise me however I was horrified that he could tell it with a straight face!