Mike's Fear

Decreasing Michael's medications is going to be a long and tricky process.  He is extremely anxious about it.  He's having trouble expressing his fear but what I've been able to figure out is he has an irrational fear he's going to die if they decrease it.  I try to assure him that his psychiatrist is very knowledgable and that he won't do anything that would put him in harms way.  I can have this conversation a hundred times but he goes right back to his obsession.  I guess the best we can do is try to distract him as much as possible.

I've been keeping a daily journal about Mike so that I can share it with his doctor.  Mike can't express himself and his memory is so bad he wouldn't remember the struggles he has had through the week.  The doctor will either use the information or just dismiss it.  I just want to do all I can to help him receive the best care possible.

I told Mike last night how much I admire him and how he has taught me so much.  He just cried which made me feel bad.  But he told me he needed his tears, that it was a release for him.  I get t hat.  Sometimes a good cry really lets us get out the feelings we have bottled up so long.  Mike needs to hear that he is a good man and that his disease does NOT define him as a man.  He is a man who has schizophrenia.  He's a man who has worked hard to be a good person inspite of his disease.

Ron is with Mike this afternoon watching a ball game together.  This gives me time to get some chores done.  We are going out for a movie tonight.